Defiance

Today's post is about defiance - you know, that fun little beast that eventually comes out in our children (and, maybe occasionally ourselves - admit it...).  Natalie and Nathan are exhibiting what I will kindly refer to as defiance - saying "No," "I do it," talking back when I tell them no - "I just playing, Mommy" "I didn't hurt Nathan," etc.  Kerry and I have been talking about what is the best way to handle this and I don't have the best answer.  Clamp down on it with a vengeance?  Ignore it and hope they grow out of it?  Change the way we act around them?  It's an interesting time in our house, to say the least.  I am constantly amazed at how many of the things I "thought" I knew about kids that were laughably proved wrong when I had my own.  I used to think that defiance by children was, at least a little bit, due to laziness or lack of discipline by parents. Don't throw things at me, that's not nice - plus, I said I was wrong already.  Anyway, what was I saying - now, I know...not so much.  Defiance by a toddler is a constant thing so to punish it would be a constant punishment.  Where's the fun in that?  I haven't found it.  What does this stage teach them?  I have read that the defiance is a way for them to test their boundaries - figure out what is permitted in society and in the wilderness (it all goes to survival like the cave men, you know) and what is not.  It is an interesting thing, watching this all play out in the little ones' minds.  For example, it's only recently that when I get on to Natalie for hitting or tackling Nathan, her new response?  "I just playing, Mommy".  Climbing in the chair to get to the countertop?  "I just watching, Mommy."  Excuses or justification for her behavior. Where did that come from? Where did she get that? Defiance.  And now, what do I say in response - "Just do what I say because I told you so."  Awesome. 

As an only-slightly awkward segue way, as some of you may have noticed, I spent some time with some baked Cheetos last night.  This is relevant for a few reasons (besides a shout-out to baked Cheetos - YUM!).  I have been super frustrated with myself lately in my inability to meet my own goals/expectations with respect to pretty much anything in my life.  Remarkably similar to the post with which I opened this blog - progress?  Not so much.  I was pondering this yesterday while riding up the escalator in my building (I think little details like this give you more of a connection to this story, don't you?).  I have figured out (sort of) that the things with which I struggle the most are those which should I fail/don't do/ignore/neglect are those which have no clear or immediate repercussion - good or bad.  So...I need to be rewarded with treats or punished with time-out in order to modify my behavior in any measurable way.  Seems oddly familiar.  Defiantly familiar?  Why is it so hard, as a mature, responsible, fairly intelligent adult (don't laugh) to do the things that I know need to be done?  Work out consistently, eat right, clean my house, read the Bible, etc.  Instead of working out last night, or reading the Bible, or cleaning house, I sat on the couch and watched Food Network and ate baked Cheetos.  I tried to motivate myself with saying, "alright me, I have to do x things y times for z long and then I get a new pair of boots."  Well, I ordered the boots (the sale was almost over!!) without completing x, y, or z.  Fail. (Side note - they didn't fit right so I sent them back, so I don't have them...I don't think that counts for anything though...)

Also, I am being defiant about Santa...started a controversial (not really, but its fun to think so) convo on FB about this and you are certainly entitled to your opinion, but I am just not interested in convincing my kids he exists when he doesn't.  I don't want to lie to them.  It has nothing to do with them really (except I want them to trust me) and more me.  I don't feel comfortable doing it.  But is it worth it?  Will my defiance make my kids freaks?  I don't know.  It stresses me out. 

I have no idea why I feel motivated to share this, but just what's on my mind.  Thoughts?