As I tried to come up with things to get Kerry for Father's Day this year, I thought about how I don't really get my dad presents for Father's Day anymore. Maybe a card, but I really don't like cards that much - too much money for something most of us just throw away, really. Plus - they kill trees, you know. So, I didn't get my dad a card or a gift for Father's Day. And, I feel bad. Therefore, Daddy - please find below your present - a blog post! I know, I spent too much but you can't take it back!
My dad has this absurd notion that the reason why Natalie is so independent, hard-headed, and willful is because she is just like me. However much I disagree with that, whatever of those qualities I have are because of him. If you know me at all, you know I have a horrible memory, particularly about things that happened when I was younger - it's just sort of a black space filled with the occassional memory and more frequent picture. I honestly don't know if some of my memories are real or just derived from pictures. This bothers me to some extent, but not really anything I can do about it, so....where was I going with this? Oh yeah, right - my dad. So, my alleged "independence, hard-headedness, and willfullness" is totally my dad's fault to the extent that they exist. (Ha, ha - didn't admit anything did I? That's four years of law school for ya!) One of the distinct memories I have from my childhood was waking up when my dad would get home from work late (happened a lot, he worked hard for us) and sit at the table with him while he ate the dinner that my mom had made and saved for him. We would talk about his day, my day, whether my brothers beat up on each other, etc. I remember the general tone of these conversations were usually happy or at least, "please don't get pregnant when you are 14, that would not make me happy." To his credit, this was always when he had to do a sonogram on a 14 yr old or 15 yr old who was pregnant that day. So...needless to say, I took that advice. Anywoo - this is not going the way I planned it to go - what I was trying to say was, I distinctly remember my dad telling me that I needed to always be able to support myself and not have to rely on anyone else. 12 years of collegiate training later, mission accomplished! :) So, it isn't entirely my fault that I like to make sure things get taken care of. All the other memories I have of my dad are thematically-similar: he was there. This may seem ironic to my friends in high school because they know how much my dad worked and how he was always on call - so really, he wasn't actually around all that much. But, to me - he was there. I always felt his presence, his hugs, his love. I may be not-remembering things correctly but - why does that matter? This is WHAT I remember so there you go. We had a difficult childhood by some standards but my memories of my dad are not difficult. I credit him for that blessing.
I wish I could explain to everyone how important my dad is to me. There are only a handful of men in my life that I cannot imagine living without and he is at the top of that list. (The rest are my brothers and my husband, if you are taking score here). Anyone who knows my dad knows what a huge heart he has and what a wonderful person he is. He had made me feel loved and taken care of my whole life - even now when I haven't lived with him for over 10 years. I'll never forget the trip to Lubbock when I was moving to go to school - so far away from him and how hard that was - but how special that we did that, just us. Or, when he walked me down the aisle to get married. And now, we talk on the phone, we text (well, I text - he responds with some sort of "Dad-glish" while "driving"), and we facebook. But the best part is that he is just present in my life. I know that I can call about any problem and I know that he will be at my childrens' important events to the best of his ability. I have a friend who recently lost her father and my heart breaks for her. Which has made me realize how much I need to tell him these things now, not later.
Lastly, it's amazing how much more I feel loved by my dad because of how much he loves my kids. The effort he takes to be a part of their lives, to love them, to teach them, to just be their PawPaw for some reason makes me feel more loved by him. Why is that? I don't know. Maybe because he treasures something that I do too - and really, only because they are mine. But to know that my kids trust and love him makes me love him more. Which says a lot because of how much I loved him before that.
I love you so much Daddy and I hope you have a great day! We can't wait to see you in a few days!!!
<3
Melinda
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